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frankie

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Reply with quote  #46 

A little guy is sitting at the bar when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says,thats KUNG FU FROM CHINA,A bit later the thug smacks him again and says thats KARATE FROM KOREA,The little guy gets up and walks out the bar.A short time later he comes back and smacks the thug knocking him out cold,he says to the barman,wen that cunt wakes up tell him that was a fuckin shovel from B&Q

Admin2

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Reply with quote  #47 

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"


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Reply with quote  #48 

very good boys

hammer6

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Reply with quote  #49 

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day ...

Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.

The game warden told him that this was illegal.

The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"


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dejavu

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Reply with quote  #50 

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of
the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to
go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy
drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done:
glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying
on its side near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke
my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary... ! Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a
thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant
three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind,
I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can
do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be
safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with
a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with
your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we
both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but
what about you, honey?"

You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same
for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you
and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?????"

 

 


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Reply with quote  #51 



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What outranks a Princess?
 
A British Airway's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers: "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines." he said, "I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well  sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up bitch."


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Reply with quote  #53 
Why
 
WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (Because they are plugged into a genius)
WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY? (They don't have enough time)
WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)
WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?(Because their balls fall over their arses and they vapour lock)
WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at parties)
WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
hammer6

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Reply with quote  #54 

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REAL1

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Reply with quote  #55 

http://www.rickyhitmanhatton2.com/video/video/z6KyA_KabNM/ntnocn-the-judge-1980.html 


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Reply with quote  #56 
Unusual pet
 
I was feeling a bit lonely so I decided life would be more fun if I had a pet.
I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede that came in a little white box to use for his house. I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink. So, I asked the centipede in the box:
"Would you like to go down the pub with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer. This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him again.
"How about going to the pub for a drink?"
But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet. So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
I decided to ask him one more time, this time putting my face up against the centipede's house and shouting:
"Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub and have a drink with me?"
A little voice came out of the box:
"I heard you the first time! I'm putting my F***ing shoes on."


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Reply with quote  #57 

A couple are lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says: "I'll miss you."

He said: "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said: "Well, you've succeeded."

He said: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said: "That's a good idea......you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

He said: "What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?"
She said: "Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat git."

Q - What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A - A rumour.

Q - What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A - 45 minutes

Q - What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A - Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q - Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A - Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q - What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
A - The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q - What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?
A - Reload and try again
REAL1

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Reply with quote  #58 

 


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REAL1

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Reply with quote  #59 

He said: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said: "That's a good idea......you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."


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REAL1

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Reply with quote  #60 

Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

A: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.


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