Graeme Pearson, sly and flighty
scolded by the high and mighty
sent to police, a little town
his face, it wore a poor-me frown.
Banished to the toon of Lanark
trying hard no tae panic
not happy with his coppers lot
the sleekit git began to plot.
Devious Pearson the Cowboy fan
Oot in the sticks, like Desperate Dan
Some years later, it's all forgotten
A deal is struck, somethin's rotten!
Promotion came from oot the blue
A gift from Jack and his motley crew
Graeme let oot a great big sigh
"Ah waant tae be like the FBI!"
O'Connell said "Noo haud oan son"
"Am gonnae gie ye's... yer ain guns!"
Graeme wept with tears of joy.
"Noo am like a REAL cowboy!"
"Can a get my ain drug squad
Ah canny dae this on my todd?"
"There ye go said Jack the Lad,
I'll gie ye aw the cops thats bad"
Noo if you should walk the streets at night
watch ye didnae get a fright
Fur Graeme's men might be aboot
lookin fur some yins tae shoot!
They dont care jist who that is
as long as they get, tae dae the biz
The DEA, consider all fair game
In wee Graeme's search for fame.